The midnight shift sucks.

I’ll repeat that in all caps so you will understand my disdain and also that I’m yelling.

THE MIDNIGHT SHIFT SUCKS!!!

I added three exclamation points to show the intensity of my boisterous clamor.

Yes, while most of the working world is nestled snug in their beds, I am working my hands to the bone. Well we’re forced to wear gloves so technically I’m just wearing out a pair of gloves, but you get the point.

Things I hate about the midnight shift:

1. I don’t get to sleep in my bed with my wife.

2. For some strange reason I miss my kids. If I was working a normal shift we would all be asleep and I wouldn’t see them anyway. Weird.

3. I don’t sleep well during the day. I’m a professional napper, I can fall asleep pretty much on command, but naps are short. I need a full block of sleep, like I get at night, but I generally wake up about once an hour.

4. My food schedule is thrown way off. I don’t eat at work when I’m on midnights. I don’t eat when I get home. I usually eat a protein bar when I first wake up and then dinner. That’s it. It’s weird to eat a full meal when I would normally be sleeping.

5. My bathroom routine is thrown way off. I won’t go into detail, probably already more information than you would like to have heard.

6. It’s really hard to get back on a normal schedule after the midnights are over. Plus, there’s only two days to get back to normalcy because Monday I’ll be back on day shift.

7. You miss out on fun stuff. Like, going to watch Brian and Seth play hockey. While the rest of the world is winding down from a long day’s work, I’m just getting ready to go in.

8. I could go on forever about why I hate midnights, but I’ll end my list with this. I haven’t had a beer since Saturday, today is Thursday. Also, I have this in the fridge.

I put it in black and white and added a vignette to intensify the seriousness of my predicament.

There’s also this in my fridge. You can’t go wrong with that!

There’s a lot of guys out here that don’t let midnights stop them from enjoying their beer. They get off work at 6:00 am and start drinking. I can’t do that. The only thing on my mind at 6:00 am is going to bed. I could have a beer after I wake up in the afternoon, but I have to pick up my daughter from daycare. I’m pretty sure her provider would call DCFS on me if I showed up smelling like beer. I could have one with dinner, but then I run the risk of smelling like beer when I get to work. It’s a vicious cycle.

All I know is I’m really looking forward to tomorrow. I’ll get to drink my beer, hang with my bros and bottle our EPA.

Wish me luck getting through the dark, cold beerless days.

Until next time…