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Friday night the Regular Guys got together to do a major brewery clean up, a de-winterization if you will.
We worked really hard and accomplished a lot. There wasn’t much time to drink many beers, but we sampled a few. Basically, what I’m saying is I didn’t get drunk. Quite honestly, as I’ve gotten older and added responsibilities to my life, I don’t really drink to get drunk anymore. Anyone who has kids can relate that no matter how late you stay up or how drunk you get, your kids will wake up at the same time EVERY DAY and that time just so happens to be dawn. After a couple late nights and hard hangovers you feel guilty for being a crab ass and not paying as much attention to your children that you should, so you change your behavior.

Back to my story. Here’s the facts. Friday night, didn’t get drunk, got to bed at a reasonable time, woke up with my stomach hurting, didn’t have a hangover.

FOOD! That usually helps, maybe I just needed to eat something. My wife recommended we go out for breakfast and we decided on IHOP. On the way there the nausea got worse, maybe a glass of water will help? Now we’re there waiting for a table for what seemed like an eternity and the cold sweats kick in. This isn’t going to end well. We get a table, order drinks and water isn’t helping. I excuse myself and rush to the bathroom. The bathroom itself carried a stench that would drive a non – nauseous man to toss his cookies. I lost it. I’ll leave out the violent details, but I did get vomit on my brand new shoes. I did however, manage to keep my clothes puke free. I took this as a small victory. I get myself together, rinse my mouth with sink water and amazingly, I feel fantastic! I go back to the table, order my food and eat it with no further issues.

Immediately I send Brian and Seth a text explaining how I just threw up in an IHOP bathroom and check if they were experiencing any of my symptoms. They were not. Now it’s a mystery! I ponder my evening over my eggs and toast and hash browns. What did I do last night that Brian and Seth didn’t? Then it hit me! While doing this major clean up we came across a handful of beers that were not labeled. We poured the beer into glasses to identify the beer. One of the beers was an American Pale Ale that was brewed only God knows when. It was one of my favorites back then, so what the hell, I drank it. Here’s the key fact, Brian and Seth did not drink it. Could this really old beer that sat in the garage over the course of a few seasons be the culprit? Well, it’s the only thing I came up with so it’s what I’m sticking to.

The moral of the story? Don’t drink beers that you have no idea when they were brewed that sat in a garage being exposed to the extreme heat and cold or you may find yourself in the embarrassing situation throwing up in an IHOP bathroom with your wife and two kids waiting on your return from the bathroom.

The end.